YOU LOST ME AT HELLO

‘‘Hello Babie..hips zako ziko poa’’
“What?”
“Mimi nataka msichana ana wide hips. Zako ziko poa”

Pause...Is he asking me out? Did he just say I have wide hips? Is he really expecting that to work? Dude! This is the 21st century, wide hips are no longer a compliment.

How on earth do you just walk up to a girl, for the first time, in a supermarket and tell her “hips zako ziko poa”? What happened to the good old hello ? What happened to getting to know each other first? Call me old school, but I have to be close to you before you compliment me on my hips. And even if we do, I wouldn’t want you to say it like that.

Where on earth do you men get some of these lines? I was talking to my friends about some of the lines men use, and my goodness are they pathetic. Here are some of my favourites.

“Excuse me, can you sambaza me twenty bob? I want to call my mom and tell her how beautifull you are.” I’ll sambaza you twenty bob alright. I’ll even give you a hundred so that while you are at it she can school you on how to aproach a lady.

“I’ll definately catch a grenade for you?” First, that only has a ring to it when singer Bruno Mars is saying it in his song. Second, do you know what a grenade is?

“Babie, remind me how to breathe coz I forgot the moment I saw your breath taking beauty”. Try inhaling and exhaling, it never fails.

“I’ll jump off a cliff if you refuse to go out with me coz darling I cant imagine life without you.” JUMP!!! JUMP!!! JUMP!!!

“I’m addicted to yes and allergic to no, so whats it going to be?” Get lost.

“Give me a chance and I will love you all the way to Afghanistan and back without a bullet proof vest.” Yea right, buy him a first class air ticket and see if he will accept it.

“Your dad must be the devil coz babie umeiva.” Did you just call my dad the devil?

“This must be your lucky day, coz you’ve just met the type of guy who’ll take a bullet for you.” Haa!!!! INDEED, point a gun at him and see if he will not flee the scene in twelve inch heels.

Men, help me understand something, when you say these things, is it that you don’t know what to say or you just don’t know how to express yourselves?

There’s definately got be a better way of aproaching a girl, especially if you are looking for something more than a hello. Telling her “ hips zako ziko poa” just isn’t it. It’s a complete turn off.

Try making small talk with her and if things go well, ask her for her number. Try telling her “ you look nice” and see if it won’t get you a smille. Try telling her “I like you” in those three words and see if she wont hear you out. And please, wait till you know her on a personal basis and only then can you tell her “uko na wide hips”.

Otherwise...otherwise you will most definately lose her at hello.


by Thandiwe Gumbo